Quick Update Time!

Well, I survived (and even enjoyed) Thanksgiving.
And I survived the day after, opening at Bath & Body Works. I nearly enjoyed it, but it was insane and crazy. I now know that I can manage working retail, but it is certainly not what I want to do for the rest of my life.

I finally got all caught up on Alien Dice, which is happy. One down, twelve to go. Plus, you know, various videos/tv shows I'm supposed to be catching up on. Three of those, I think?
I changed my desktop background on my computer for the first time in two years. Does this mean I am starting to move on and heal? I hope so. Besides, Swiftpaw is just so cute!

My room is still a mess, and while it bothers me, I can not seem to find the energy to clean it up and get more organized.

Blessings on your travels,
Emily.

{Insert Witty Title Here}

I wandered around Wal-Mart for about an hour tonight. I needed to get out of the house, and everything in town was closed, except for Denny's and Wal-Mart. And it is cheaper to wander Wal-Mart than sit around at Denny's. And more distracting, which was good.

On the front of the store, the lights in the 'M' were out, so it said Wal-art. This amused me.

They already have a giant Christmas decoration section. This makes me sad. I do not like the over commercialization of Christmas, nor do I like how overlooked Thanksgiving is. Thanksgiving was always my favourite holiday growing up. Mostly because I like autumn, but also because gatherings tended to not be as big then as at Christmas and Easter. I am an introvert, and my parents never allowed me to be reclusive when family was over. Santa was in the mall, today. I think the commercialization has made me cynical about Christmas, which I also do not like.

The craft section of Wal-Mart is my favourite. I do not particularly like crafting (I have boxes filled with projects begun and never finished), but I love craft supplies. Especially paper. Paper fascinates me, as does cloth. So much beauty (for only a small price). I also like parenthesis (and those are free).

I bought a pack of Mike-n-Ikes (Mike & Ikes?). I was interested by the man at the checkstand. I think his name was James. It started with a 'J,' anyway. He was an older gentleman, and seemed nice. He had a fairly thick country accent (different from, though similar to, a southern accent), quite the drawl. The type of accent that makes people think that a person is uneducated - a silly assumption, in my opinion, but a common one nonetheless. I wondered if James was happy with his life. Is he content to work the night-shift at the checkstand in Wal-Mart? How would I feel, in that position? I think that there was probably a point in my life where I could have taken that route, and have been perfectly happy. I am not sure when, though. I could not do it, now, and be happy. I think too much, now. I wonder if James is happy. The world needs those people. If the world were only full of philosophers, we would never be able to get anything done. What separates me from James? Is it just an education (assuming a lack of one on his part. actually, I am using him as a symbol now, less as a person. forgive me, James. I wish I knew your story.)? Or is there something inherent in a person that sets them apart for their particular path in life?

It is cold here. I had frost on my car this morning, it had to warm up about fifteen minutes before the windows were clear enough to drive. I need to remember that on Thursday night, and plan accordingly for the morning - I start work at five.forty-five on Friday. I am nervous about that - my first experience in retail is opening on the day after Thanksgiving. I am sure I will get trampled, small as I am. Perhaps I will wear heels, give myself a couple of extra inches.

I went to the grocery store with my mom tonight after dinner. The checker there was nice, as well. Mom thinks it was because of me. She says they are never that friendly when it is just her. I wonder if he was flirting. I wonder if I flirted back. I never can tell (Emily:flirting :: Winnie-Ther-Pooh:bees). Harmless, I suppose, when it is a person I will likely never see again. But what happens when I inadvertently flirt with a new acquaintence? What if it is mutual flirting and I do not even realize it? I certainly do not have time or emotional energy for something like that. Goodness, I do not even have emotional energy to worry about something like that. My mom bought me a pomegranite at the store, which was lovely.

My mind is random, and I am essentially typing my train of thought right now. I find it vastly amusing. Usually I think things through before typing, and go back and edit. But not tonight. Tonight you get something that is somewhat akin to what you would get if I handwrote you a letter. Or what you have gotten if I have done so. A glimpse of the workings of my mind, I suppose.

I am tired, but not sleepy. I have been having trouble sleeping lately. I am stressed about several things which I will not detail here. Perhaps I should go to bed. I have been reading a lot - rereading good fiction books, always fun. I am cold. Autumn is gone, now. The leaves are off the trees and it is frosting at night (but I already mentioned that, I suppose). I miss warmth. Not really, but in my mind I do. I do love winter, but to make the jump rather than easing into it does make a difference. I have a space-heater in my room, though, which helps quite a bit. I have also been playing a lot of solitaire - a good mind-numbing activity. I miss California.

Blessings on your travels,
Emily

Please not Haley, Please not Haley...

Ok, so I know that it is not totally healthy to get as emotionally attached as I do to characters in a webcomic. But Order of the Stick has a very special place in my heart, and I am very emotionally attached to the characters. Especially Haley. And the author is really good. And today's update...terrified me (the first one. it seems that there were two today...). On the other hand, the second update is excellent (and continuing in the terrifying category as well). I love Belkar. Not as much as I love Haley, and in a different way. But he is excellent. The author seems to be on a rampage today, as in his other comic (Erfworld), I think the main character just burst into dust? I am not really sure what happened, though, and I am not nearly as attached to him as to Haley.

I like webcomics. I follow too many already, and I have more of which I am currently reading through the archives. I do not add them to my 'others of interest' list until I am caught up on them. I made a list to keep track of what I am/ought to be reading, and I think there are seven or eight that will eventually be added to that list. And by the time those are added, there will likely be more to add.

My latest is Alien Dice. It is wonderful. Yay for that.

I do not think I could even choose a favourite among them. There are certainly ones that I like more than others, but within the group that I like more, I could not pick an absolute favourite, or order them in any way. They are all so good! Oh well. I guess I do not have to pick a favourite. It is just that I like order so much, I feel as though I ought to. Lists are happy. But not as happy as Girl Genius.

Blessings on your travels,
Emily.

Grief

Hello again. Thank you for your patience.

According to dictionary.com, my constant source of definitions, grief is keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret. a cause or occasion of keen distress or sorrow. I wondered, because I have been thinking about grief a lot over the past week.

I wanted time away, to grieve, as I mentioned below. Last week was difficult in this, as my mom's boss was ill so she was home from work for the week. I did not really have any time alone. My parents want me to be happy, in the they are upset that I am not sort of way. And I want this situation to not be entirely miserable, so I do my best to not upset them. So I did my best through the week. I even went out one evening, by myself, which seemed to please them. After all, if I'm out at a ballet, I must be all right, right? (I saw the Moscow Ballet perform Sleeping Beauty, which was wonderful, despite the idiot behind me who seemed to think that one comes to a ballet for the plot and would not stop whispering about how there were too many dances. Idiot. And despite the music being recorded rather than live. And a few other annoyances. And my being alone.)

Anyway, I waited out the week, looking forward to this past Tuesday. I had decided that that would be the day where I could grieve, good and proper. I fully planned on lying on my bed in the dark, listening to angry music and crying a lot. I went out to the store Tuesday morning and got bread and cheese and ice-cream, because those are good and proper grieving foods. It did not last very long. As it turns out, you can not induce those sort of days, however much you think you need them. I have decided that my idea of grief is vastly Romanticized. I had this picture of what I ought to look like at this time, and wanted to fulfill that. Which, when you think about it, is rather silly. Of course, I am a rather silly person, so I suppose nothing different should have been expected.

I think that it is likely that that sort of thing will happen, eventually. The lying in bed all day, not wanting to move or do anything but cry. Just not yet. And I know that I need to allow that. I am grieving, still, although I am not staying in bed with my blinds shut and refusing all social interaction. I do cry, I do wish dearly to come back home, back to where my life is. I grieve that I have been torn away from the places and people I love. I grieve in the way that is natural for now, because foremost I need to survive, so that I can return.

Tuesday I ended up getting back up after about an hour, getting dressed, eating some bread and cheese, and then going for a drive. Driving is very therapeutic for me, especially on fairly empty, familiar roads. It was raining, which helped. I drove out to Camp Four Echoes, my Girl Scout camp, where I spent several weeks every summer for ten years, and many weekends in between. I love that place, and I love the drive. It has been driven so many times that it was all automatic. I needed that - the familiarity of something beloved, familiar enough that I did not even have to think about it, I could let my mind stay on my grief without having to worry about the road or traffic, just winding through the countryside.

So, for now, I am back online. I will be in touch, and write more frequently than I did when I was in California (since now I am not seeing my dear friends every day, so updates are more necessary). But do know that when the grief does hit harder, as I expect it will eventually, I may disappear again for a time.

I miss you all so very much.

Blessings on your travels,

Emily

Mixed Emotions on Two Subjects

It snowed yesterday, with more in the forecast. Probably warming up to mid-sixties by the weekend, though! On one hand, I'm happy, since I missed the best winter that we have had in goodness knows how long. (well, the weathermen and statisticians probably know, but that is beside the point.) On the other hand, however, it is June, and there really should not be snow in June.

I visited my library yesterday - the one in which I grew up, learned to read, learned to love reading, checked out so many books at a time I could barely carry them all, &c. This summer they started an adult summer reading program. I have not been in a summer reading program in a really long time. Even a 'goodness knows how long' time, with no caveat this time, since my librarian (Wilma, whom I love and who was the one who got me into reading and encouraged me and gave me more books than I could carry) said they do not have records of past years. The deal is that if you read three books between June first and August thirty-first, you get a two-for-one entrance coupon to the Northwest Museum of Arts and Culture. Which is pretty great, really. So Wilma got me to sign up. Here is my mixed emotions on the subject:
On the one hand (let us say, my left hand), I feel sort of silly signing up for it. I read anyway. I read lots and lots and lots. I sort of feel like this type of program is to encourage those who do not usually read to read a bit. On the other (right) hand, I feel somewhat slighted. See, my first book on the list will be Crime and Punishment - I am currently about one hundred pages from the end. The next one will be Nicholas and Alexandra - again, about eight hundred pages. Most people, I am sure, will be reading short books with little content for the same prize. And, on top of that, I will be finishing all in June, as I am flying back to California on July second. I hope that I will finish in time to actually use the coupon to the museum.
I like reading.

This is why I read Scriptorium Daily.

"Let’s just take moment to celebrate the circle of life. And butterflies. Armed to the teeth."

: )

And you?

A plug for my new favourite webcomic, Savage Chickens.
This is totally what happens to me when people ask.

Like a Ray of Sunshine

Beauty from the 4-D Design Class, Part Two

I am uncertain who took the balcony of the library as their spot, but it made me very happy every time I walked by. There is not really much to say about this one - it really speaks for itself. A new colour/piece went up each day. It makes me joyful. Well done.

.



(from further away)















(from closer up)

I wish I had taken pictures on a more sunny day, because it looks even more cheerful then. But you can see even with the overcast sky the simple beauty of this project.

Blessings on your travels,
Emily

A Quiet Place

Beauty from the 4-D Design Class, Part Two

Today I will show you the place of Erin Meyer. This quiet spot is located out front of the sculpture/theatre-21 building, behind some incredibly unassuming bushes. I had to look rather hard to find it, even after being told exactly where to look. At first glance, it does not seem as though Erin did much with the spot:

However, keep in mind that this place was entirely bare and weed-ridden, like behind all the other bushes in this area, before Erin took it under her caring wing. She not only made the bench to place there, she also laid all those bricks herself, bought and laid the sod, and planted flowers. I am assuming that pulling up weeds/ivy also went into it, though I have not asked her about that.
















What I love most about this spot that she essentially created is that it so much reflects her wonderful personality. Peaceful, personable, unassuming, yet friendly and joyful. I know that being at college, my friend has missed being able to work and care for the ground, and it was so exciting to discover that she had found a spot in which to do this. I appreciate the difference between most of the other places that the 4-D design folk had, and this place - the other installments brought something external to the place, made it more than it had been, perhaps made the places a bit contrived (though wonderful and beautiful!). This one, however, seems to merely have actualized the place behind the bushes: Erin allowed it to become fully realized in its potential, and for that, my dear friend, well done.

On another note, I am happy to discover a small readership. (at least one person! yay!) I will not force, but when you leave comments, could you select the "other" option, which will allow you to leave your name? I would much prefer that to anonymity. Thanks ever so.

Blessings on your travels,
Emily

My Favourite

Beauty from the 4-D Design Class, Part One

The first of the 4-D design projects that I will report on belongs to my dear friend Robin Zimmerman. She chose, as the place to make her own, MY spot. After discovering this, I graciously lent it to her ; )

Besides this being my absolute favourite place on campus, I love what Robin did with it! The swing was so exciting to find, and I was privileged to be present as she was decorating the fence with those gorgeous autumn leaves (too rare hereabouts). The papers bound to the tree are poems. There is, as seen, a nice bench if swinging does not catch your fancy. The tupperware contains some of her favourite books that have good references to nature and beauty, and the box was a "take something, leave something" sort of thing. If you can not tell, Robin loves teal/turquoise. she made all of the wooden furnishings herself. The teal makes a striking contrast that I absolutely love, with the mild, muted colours of autumn.

I love this display of beauty so much. Bravo, Robin! I hope my few (if any?) readers are able to appreciate your hard work and eye for goodness as much as I have.

Blessings on your travels,
Emily

Frustration

Well, this evening I went to upload my pictures of the art projects to my computer, and for some reason none of them were on my camera. I will go back to all the places tomorrow to retake the pictures - I hope most of them are still up!

And...bedtime.

Blessings on your travels,
Emily

Finding Good

"Find the Good, and praise it."
This was the advice of Hugh Hewitt to young, Christian bloggers (at GodBlogCon), who wondered what they should be saying. We live in a world of criticism, where one tends to feel the need to tear things down. If we, as college students, are planning on making a difference in the world as we get older (this apparently applies especially to the political realm, but I think it true for everyone), things we say online now will follow us. One stupid comment on a young blog can ruin a person's influence twenty years down the road. So, both to be safe, and to be uplifting in a negative world, we ought to point out good, not bad. As Hugh said, once you're forty, you are allowed to criticize. Right now, I do not know enough about anything to criticize anything. Also, my own note here, there are enough people being negative. It's only natural, in our fallen world.

The good that I have been finding recently (well, for the last two years, really) stems from the art department here at Biola. We have a nice campus, but nothing incredibly beautiful. My friends who are art majors (as well as art majors with whom I have not been acquainted) strive with every project to bring beauty and love to the campus, in subtle or outright ways. This past week or two, the 4-D design class has been working on installations around campus. The specific assignment was to "find a place, and make it yours." They were to add something to it every day for a week. The few that I have seen have been fun, exciting, awe-inspiring, and beautiful. So, now that I have "found good," it seems to be my responsibility to "praise it." Thus, I have gone about campus (still in the process of this, really) taking pictures of all the installations I know of. The next few posts will be to share these and praise them to the world - these young, Christian artists who are coming every day to a better understanding of The Good, Truth, and Beauty, and helping those non-artistic ones, like myself, to appreciate beauty within the mundane every day.

Blessings on your travels,
Emily